Where the hell do I start..
After much deliberation and more than a shove from my overly-wonderful husband, I have finally created a blog. Like most people, creating the blog page is the easy part. It's finding shit to write about that does your head in. With a wide range of audiences, I'm fucked. So, I'm takin' a stab at this. Sorry if anything I come up with offends or surprises anyone. This is my blog, so all you haters can hit the damn road.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Women and Drinking...
WHEN GIRLS DRINK TOO MUCH..............
1. WE HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHERE OUR PURSE IS.
2. WE BELIEVE THAT DANCING WITH OUR ARMS OVERHEAD AND WIGGLING OUR BUTT WHILE YELLING 'WOO-HOO!' IS TRULY THE SEXIEST DANCE MOVE AROUND.
3. WE'VE SUDDENLY DECIDED THAT WE WANT TO KICK SOMEONE'S BUTT, AND HONESTLY BELIEVE WE COULD DO IT, TOO.
4. IN OUR LAST TRIP TO PEE, WE REALIZE THAT WE NOW LOOK MORE LIKE A HOMELESS HOOKER THAN THE GODDESS WE WERE JUST FOUR HOURS AGO.
5.. WE START CRYING AND TELLING EVERYONE WE SEE THAT WE LOVE THEM SOOOOO MUCH.
6. WE GET EXTREMELY EXCITED AND JUMP UP AND DOWN EVERY TIME A NEW SONG PLAYS, BECAUSE, 'OH MY GOD! I LOVE THIS SONG!'
7. WE'VE FOUND A DEEPER/SPIRITUAL SIDE TO THE GEEK SITTING NEXT TO US.
8. WE'VE SUDDENLY TAKEN UP SMOKING AND BECOME REALLY GOOD AT IT.
9.. WE YELL AT THE BARTENDER, WHO WE BELIEVE CHEATED US BY GIVING US JUST LEMONADE, BUT THAT'S JUST BECAUSE WE CAN NO LONGER TASTE THE CHARDONNAY.
10. WE THINK WE ARE IN BED, BUT OUR PILLOW FEELS STRANGELY LIKE THE KITCHEN FLOOR (or the mop ... OR THE BATHMAT ?)
11. WE FAIL TO NOTICE THAT THE TOILET LID'S DOWN WHEN WE SIT ON IT.
12. WE TAKE OUR SHOES OFF BECAUSE WE BELIEVE IT'S THEIR FAULT THAT WE'RE HAVING PROBLEMS WALKING STRAIGHT.
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Us males have very similar issues. Except for failing to notice the toilet seat’s down of course.
ReplyDeleteIt happens to the best of us...
ReplyDelete