Last post for May = shits n gigs.

Right, well I've been a rather lazy bitch when it comes to blogging, ergh, I knew the novelty would wear off once I started working. But alas, I'll continue to strike stupidity and nothingness into everyone's heart.

Anywho, whats left to report on. One day left in May. /sigh. Another damn month. I have this fear that I'll wake up one morning with kids and crows feet or something. Not that I should be worried, that ain't far off when you think about it... Oh shock horror.

Oh gee, look at that, I was magically pulled away from my pc and now it's the 31st. Small things eh?

Anywho, turns out I've been given a new opportunity at work... New department and more hours. Pretty good considering I thought I'd have to pick up a second job.  Now, In America they say being put into a new department is essentially a promotion. Umm ok so wheres my pay raise? Ohh if I squint hard enough.. Shit! Is that a WHOLE 15c? Mate, watch out, we're livin' big this year. /sigh.
(Still not sure on my exact raise amount, good chance it'll be 5-10c, but I can dream big right?)

I managed to learn a valuable lesson the other day. I was blowing up balloons for a customer, when I, in some retarded bubbly Aussie accent, asked the customer "Hey, what do you have planned, big party..  wedding?" to which the customer replied, "uh, no my mother died yesterday and we're releasing balloons on the beach  as a farewell..." -commence /faceplam- Moral of the story, don't be happy when blowing up white balloons. Goddamn I felt like an ass.

AND SUDDENLY - Something that reminded me of an Ex of mine, lols.

MINECRAFT =D

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Does this country make my arse look fat?

Natalie Dee helps to express what America has done to me...

Yeah I pretty much look like him... Charming ain't it..

That's the hat I'll be making for the 4th of July bitches... and her punch line is spot on..

My certificate in Applied Sciences was certainly worth every penny...

My accent will get me in trouble one day...

Well, I'm sure I'm overdue for a new post.. Where to start.. Hmmm... Well, I've finally started working. Pretty similar to my last job actually. I guess I'm just glad to get out of this apartment.

I've found it rather interesting, being Australian working in America. I swear I'm just about over telling everyone my life story. Although that's not as half bad as having people ask me to repeat things I've said. I mean, I speak English, I didn't think my accent was that bloody hard to understand. I've tried my darnedest to cut out all of my slang and caught myself mimicking an American accent. My other issue is learning to speak/understand Spanish, every second person speaks it here. I'm sure I'll pick things up eventually.

I think my most embarrassing moment so far was having a manager ask me to get what I thought sounded something like "Turkey Gold". I paused for a moment with one of those 'What the fuuuu' looks on my face and thought to myself, 'Shit, is that something like the Golden Goose.. so maybe it's a type of meat.. no wait, what?'

Turns out she had actually said 'Turkish Gold', not that it would have made a difference. I still didn't have a bloody clue what she was on about. My face slightly blushed when she handed me a packet of Camels cigarettes labeled Turkish Gold.

I mean seriously, how the fuck was I meant to know what it was?! Perhaps she knew that I smoked.. not that a smoker knows every brand of smokes.. But c'mon, damn I felt like a dumb ass.

Apart from needing to learn all the different brands of EVERYTHING in an entire store, I think I'll do just fine.. I think.

Craplications and Shitinterviews >_>

I think it's fair to say that after several 6hour car trips, pointless interviews and waiting months for a piece of paper, I think I finally have it. Assuming it's all approved.

Green Cards, a lot harder to come by than just your average visa. Here's hoping I'm getting mine sent to me within the month. So, while I wait my next step is job hunting and damn I'm way out of practice on this one. Not to mention, America, you have the most REEEEE-diculous system for applying to jobs.

After several hours of just filling in the info about yourself, dating fucking 10 years* back or so, you hit another wall. Pages upon pages of pointless questions to do with fuck all. Well actually, if 1/3 of the population had half a brain and had some sense of self initiative, the applications probably wouldn't ask the same bloody question 20 times in a row.

Bugger it, I don't need to work out or clean the house today. I just filled out one application to a shitty nothing store, that will probably hire some loser dickhead that doesn't have a clue how to relate to customers but happens to have half a degree in bullshittery... Several wasted hours later - I'm hittin' the sheets. Why do we bother seriously. Australia, you've got one thing good going for you at the moment, lots of jobs with applications that take 20mins to fill out, GOD I miss you.

Goooooood Night.


* Note - in the past 20 odd years I've actually moved over 25 times.. So dating back 10 years of housing and jobs is utter BS. For me anyway..

Thank You America!

Since I was recently on the topic of racism. I'm keen to see how others portray people after viewing something simple as ID.

Every time I go to hand over some of my personal identification, I become nervous and somewhat embarrassed. I've been told that in some instances, your unable to smile, during that one second you have a camera pointed at you, undressing your inner dark side and exposing the wrong part of you to the world.

I mean, you may as well stamp my licence or passport with " Killer, scares little kids and drives the 'Candy Van' ".

How, in a single flash, does someone go from looking all innocent...

To having a mug shot that looks like a murderer??!

So, I want to thank America and it's people. For granting me the benefit of any doubt and allowing me residency into your beloved country.