Customer Service [RANT]

Well, I can say I've just about worked customer service in a grocery store my whole working life. Now, don't get me wrong, I enjoy the work that I do. However, I can't say that working with pain-in-the-butt customers is what anyone wants to do. I'd love to tell half the customers to shove their requests fair up their clackers but I don't think I should risk having to look for another job. Especially in this economy. My issue is, I guess I just take too much pride in the work that I do. I feel as if I should share the shit I have to put up with daily and I'm sure a lot of you can relate.

I've also come to notice, customers act differently in different places. I'm currently in Southern California. I was warned that some of these people are rude and always in a hurry. The regular's however are fine. I know how you are, what you request and I come to expect nothing less, the rest of you however...

1. Common Courtesy. Everyone seems to lack it these days. I've noticed that the younger generation seem to be more polite than the middle aged twat. Seriously, how hard is it to say 'PLEASE'. I'm tired of all the snotty wankers who walk into the store like I was placed there to serve their ass. Don't come to my counter and say "Gimme a pound of bacon". How bout you smile and say something like "Hi, how are you today? Could I please have a pound of bacon?"

2. Learn to read. For fuck sakes. Don't ask me stupid questions about the product simply because you can't be bothered to read the damn tag. Yes, that salmon is wild, It's written on all the tags if it's wild or farm raised. And for the love of shrimp.. don't say "I want 2 and a half pounds of shrimp" Umm I have over 8 types in my case, which one do you want..? "That one" *smudges fingers all over my clean windows pointing at some shrimp* Oh god, read the friggen tag, what size are you after, my case is far too lowered for me to see what you actually want... ergh.

3. Don't ask for my advice if you your not going to take it. I've worked this job far longer than you think, I'm sure I know what I'm talking about otherwise I would have asked someone else to help you. If you feel that ground beef goes brown because It's old, you obviously don't cook with it enough or come into my department very often. That stuff is ground fresh everyday, then reduced/dumped at the end of the day. It goes brown half way through the day due to oxygen. It doesn't mean it's bad. Tard.

4. When I cook free samples and place them under the heat lamp, I'm actually doing that to boost sales for that product. Not entitle you to a free buffet. Homeless people included. Get a free coffee sample and something I've cooked and bug off. Don't hover waiting for me to put them out then scoff it all down. I don't have all day to cook for everyone that swings past. Seriously, eat before you come to the store, they say you shouldn't shop on an empty stomach. Tosser.

5. Bring it back If you decide you don't want it. I hate you people the most. I don't care if you can't afford it or you find something of better value. If you don't want something don't ditch it in an isle or a freezer. That $20 roast you just had me season and wrap up, now has to be dumped. That's a store loss that comes back on MY department. Asshole.

6. I also hate these people. Your product is leaking. Oh waah. Next time you purchase something frozen and leave it in your car for hours and then realize you forgot it. That's your issue. Don't blame it on us and demand a refund. We now have to dump that product. Fuck-wit.

7. Return a product for a replacement because your unsatisfied. Hey, now I can accept that. Unless your some jerk who thinks they know-it-all. Yeah, that roast you bought this morning was cut fresh, it smells fine. Oh I see you've already started to trim and cut it up, but you don't like the way it smells. Erm, it's fresh. I know. I work 40 hours a week around this stuff. I know how it should and should not smell. Don't tell me off. I don't give a shit if you've been cooking our meat for 40 odd years. Just admit I caught you out on a lie and I'll get you a new one. I'm sorry your husband probably sent you back to the store cause the roast was too fatty. Not my fault that if you don't do it he's probably going to beat you. Don't take that crap out on me. This is my job. I'll have to dump that. Bitch.

8. I really like that steak. You know, the one right up the front of the case. Holy shit. One moment while I put my gloves on and walk out to the front of my case so I can actually reach that for you. This one is common, but sometimes I screw with people and put the old stuff up the front. Suckers.

9. Why did you come to the meat department to ask me what wine goes best with making sangria? Do I look like a bartender? Twat.

10. It's bad enough that you've dowsed yourself in cheap perfume designed to make people cry and choke on the air that they breathe, but did you also realize that I can still smell that alcohol your trying to cover. I'm stocking the shelf, back the fuck off when your talking to me. Piss-head.

11. Last but not least. No, I don't speak Spanish. I'm Australian. I spreken zee Koala. Don't yell at me for not knowing your language. I can say Hi, Thank you, one moment, and STOP. I understand you pointing at a product and asking for Uno libre, (I think that's how it's spelled) Don't you think that's enough? I'm not going to go out of my way to learn a language. That's what school was for. I was taught German, French, Japanese and Indonesian. I guess Australia didn't think much of Spanish. My bad. I really thought I was trying...